So in over 2 years of writing this blog, last week, I skipped a week?! Did you notice?
For the first time in a while, I didn't blog. What I did do, was make some videos and post them. I made a Vlog too. You can check these out on the Yoga i-D youtube channel and links are also on the website. The big question is why? I know so many of you enjoy a little cuppa and a read. I could make up some wonderful tale about how it was because I was flying high somewhere exotic and I simply couldn't find wifi and send it over. But the simple Truth or 'Satya', as its known in yoga, is because, well, I am not super woman! No really, I may love the colourful lycra, but believe it or not, I am not super -human.
Satya is one of the five yamas, the virtuous restraint from falsehood and distortion of reality in one's expressions and actions. It means being true and consistent with reality in one's thought, speech and action.
This is a hard realisation, as there are times where I manage to convince myself that there must have been some super human powers injected in to me somewhere along the line, when the weeks go by and you are managing to complete, juggle and accommodate so much physically, mentally and emotionally. Well, this time, it was because all of that was still going on, but as a result of it, the expression of writing didn't come. Maybe it was that I was not inspired to write, maybe it was because time was limited or maybe it was because CHANGE was on the horizon, Change is here and now. Without consciously deciding to not write - I simply and unconsciously - didn't.
I know that I was shifting (and still am) priorities and I know that I felt the need to therefore express myself in ways that felt suitable to me at this time. This felt like being on my mat, this felt like connecting with people in the real world more, this felt like reading new material and taking time to digest it rather than share it. This felt like managing relationships that are tender, this felt like shifting perspective on ongoing life situations, this felt like taking action for summer and this felt like bringing to a natural end, things that needed to end.
So on Thursday I taught my last class for Summer Break at Space 238. It was an incredibly wonderfully nourishing class. One that I did not plan, for I wanted to make it an intuitive offering that suited who arrived on the mats and the energy of the room. As a result, it was full of just ladies and we moved rhythmically and freely and it felt so incredibly relevant to intentions of summer. We focused on heart openers and creating space and freedom, by finding awareness in the present moment. Wow. It felt good to watch the free flow that these ladies, developed over the session, and the stillness they cultivated at the end.
Last summer, I took no breaks and as a result, winter seemed to creep up and if the truth be known again, I found the winter a challenge, for I became chronically fatigued. Through this, I have become aware that I became attached, myself, to relationships and people that did not serve me. These continued in to the new year and it is only now that I feel like I am awakening, thanks to Spring too, where I can truly see what serves me - here and now. The summer is the time that I come alive. But what is important is not to just stay regulated to the devotions that you already hold, maybe that is to a certain belief, hobby, person... but to step out and feel in to a newness. See it and feel it in yourself too. Let your Yoga practice evolve, on and off the mat. Yet - cherish the things in your life that remain.
Here's to the Things YOU LOVE!!!!!
If we return to the visualisation of super woman. Here she is...
Well - she flys around, saving folk and expresses her super-human self. But. Who is she deep down?!
Never disconnect from the true self. Get to know it! Our appearance inwardly and outwardly too alters as the seasons and the years pass by and both can easily become unrecognisable at times, but it is essential to tap back in and find the Self. Be clear on what you are willing to tolerate, what you wish to manifest in your life, what you are proud of and grateful for and how you wish to live. Take time to welcome people in, but also take time to let people go. I have allowed people recently to take me on a ride time and time again and taking time and space have realised I wont allow that anymore. We are tough and we are soft. We are not available to be experimented upon. We hold the power to decide. My family keep me earthed, for which I am grateful. My children challenge me more than I could ever write down on paper.
I, in fact, find this my life challenge.
I see myself in them, I see their papa, I see the genes, I see the influences. All of this is the magical pot of heaven and the darkness, it is overfilling with love and it is heartbreakingly difficult. Being a mother, and now doing it alone, is bloody hard! But do you know, it teaches me about the Self quicker than any textbook or meditation ever could. It is my meditation. it is my practice. It is my discipline. It is this because I can not choose to walk away from it, it exists, it goes nowhere and it is here. Forever. I am soooooooo proud of the lives that I brought in to the World. I still can not get my head around the fact that I created life - twice. I feel blessed and I know that they were a gift. I believe that they chose me to become their mama and I believe they did this to teach me the lessons that I needed in this lifetime. I will never, ever, justify their existence to any other. I am so incredibly honoured and proud to be a mother and to say 'Look! these are my babies. These are my priorities in life, that sit alongside my personal drive, my passions, my work, my direct experience of life. These are my teachers!'
In Patanjali's teachings, one may not always know the truth or the whole truth, but one knows if one is creating, sustaining or expressing falsehood, exaggeration, distortion, fabrication or deception.
It is amazing since becoming a single mum, how when meeting new people, you sometimes do feel like you have to live a parallel life. But, I won't. Not anymore. For those who find children hard to accommodate, you are not for me. These angels are an extension of me and I would not be the person that I am today, without having become a mother and for that I will be eternally grateful. I will never be simply a mother, yet my ambitions in life clearly extend beyond this. I adore and respect those that never had little ones for either making a choice to or not, but each and every one of us can never change the past, nor can they or should they, ever, have to account for their present.
It is, what it is. I am, who I am. They are, who they are. And you are, who you are, with needs, wants and desires, just as they are. Own it. Love them. Adore and respect the Self... and the evolution of life will be what it will be.
"I'd love to always love you, but I am scared of loneliness when I'm alone with you." - Truth is a beautiful thing - London Grammar.
These lyrics have really played a part of my journey to work the last few weeks, as I have been cycling on my bike around london and I can not tell you how many times that I have listened to the new London Grammar album en route. I realised that Loneliness is a factor in so much of what many people do, the decisions they make and those that they avoid making. We can be surrounded by friends, community, partners and children and yet can still feel lonely. I am someone, for sure, that loves to be around people. I do this quite naturally. But in fact, alongside that, there is loneliness and I am not afraid to admit it. I would love to connect on a very deep level with another, I would love to live in a community and chat til the cows come home all day, every day. But, where we always return is back to the Self. I see the loneliness creep in, when I am not being true to the Self. Offering enough time to the Self. Being honest. Patanjali's teachings that offer insight through Satya of how we deceive ourselves through the way we express the self and distort the truth is where we can focus and regain perspective on how we are living.
So here we are - full circle - Self and Truth.
Lies and Loneliness.
The truth is hard. Yet be truthful. Love the Self. Do not project outward to another, be here and now.
"To hold your heart, to hold your hand, would be to be, the greatest thing. Would you take my place and stand here. I do not think you would take this pain. Oh the truth would be a beautiful thing. Oh the truth is a beautiful thing."
These lyrics to me, sang to the Self. I thought they were singing to another, but in fact, they are singing many things to me. The greatest thing would, in actuality, be to be content fully in the self, to have the strength to standby and walk away from that which does not serve us and to therefore cultivate the Truth and watch the beauty of life blossom inside and out, when choosing to live this way.
Sat Nam meaning 'I am truth'.
"This is an 'Adi shako mantra' or a primal power mantra, designed to awaken the shakti energy coiled at the base of the spine, allowing it to vault upwards opening the higher consciousness chakras leading to deep wisdom and bliss states. It acts as a method of communication between your individual soul and the Universal soul." - Blissful Body Yoga.
When chanted outwardly or silently using the inhale and exhale, it sings Truth is my Identity, Truth is my essence. I invite you to chant this to yourself to begin your own Self connection. This is one of my personal favourite recorded versions of this mantra by Snatam Kaur. "Ek Ong Kar Sat Nam" meaning...
The Creator and the Creation are One. This is our True Identity. The ecstasy of the experience of this wisdom is beyond all words and brings indescribable bliss.
As I sit here now, I am back in my hometown of Glastonbury, writing in my parents house, while they (party animals) are celebrating their friends 60th. I am grateful for this home from home, the house I grew up in. This earth land of Avalon. Keeping me supported and connected. As soon as I arrive here, I step outside and naturally wanna step on my mat. That is Truth.
Stand and take your place.
Stay connected to your heart and all the wisdom it holds - tis the greatest thing, the greatest gift, it is a beautiful thing.
SEE YOU IN CLASS! YOGA i-D TUESDAY PM - 19:30-21:00 - MATTER WHOLEFOODS, BS5